Seriously Mysterious

nothing ever happens by accident. nothing. and when you realize that, its when you can (sortof) relax and let everything kind of just.... happen.. Now, we do have to make effort and do our part, and God will bless our efforts, but in reality... Everything we do, every word we say, every place we go, every mistake that's made... it's not an accident. Something is meant to happen because of that something that just happened...

Now, my wonderful fiance has recently learned about the difference of God's sovereign will and God's perfect will, and what he's discovered is that everything is under God's control, under God's umbrella... nothing is actually out of the will of God, just in one or the other.

Obedience... Radical obedience is what will lead us to being consumed by God's awesome, perfect will, which we all know (just sometimes don't obey) is the better..no, BEST thing for everyone. It's a complete win-win!!

Now.... selfishness... our humanity... our desire for what 'feels' good or what 'looks' good... that is how we fall into the abyss of God's sovereign will.
We are faced with little, mini "forks in the road" consistently, at almost every moment. Some are more serious than others, but we are always faced with them. And what we don't realize, is that at any given moment when we make the smallest, (selfish) choice, it could relate in something we see as awful.

For instance....(story time)


I came home from spending time in Northern Virginia studying theology, doing things I had a passion for - music, ministry, learning about God...
I came back from that period in my life, and decided that I didn't want to study theology any more, but I wanted to study art.. specifically, Photography, because it's something I liked doing, and I was good at it, and figured I may as well study it in school and eventually make a living out of it...

I got into the school, and ended up going to a school for all of.. ohhhh 3 months, and ended up not being able to go back the next quarter because all of my student loans, all of my grants and scholarships didn't equal the amount of money it cost for me to attend even the first quarter!! Therefore, I wasn't able to return until I was able to pay the 3-something thousand dollars to the school. I tried to get into two other schools, who needed all transcripts from all schools I went to, and the former school wouldn't release transcripts until the full amount of $ was payed. Needless to say, I took a break from school for a while until I could pay off that money... and what accrued over the next two years of time? You guessed it, student loans.

Now, I'm almost three months engaged, planning a wedding in 9 months that I'm paying for primarily by myself, getting back into school, and hopefully starting my career in ministry....and I found out I'm over $8,000.00 in the whole from defaulted student loans.



Sounds a bit overwhelming? Well it was for the first 24 hours....
then it started to sink in that maybe... just maybe.. possibly.... a small, selfish, prayerless decision under the umbrella of God's sovereign will, could have lead to that little bit of stress, that would launch me into my destiny, which finally falls under the umbrella of God's perfect will.

Who knows... this could be what needed to happen to push me into making albums and spreading God's love and praises through music throughout the state, country, world..
That could bring in some money to help me pay off loans and enter into this marriage debt free, and even put money into savings for other things God has for us.

Who knows.... This could be a means for me to rely COMPLETELY on the mercy of God to once again get me out of a mess so deep that if it weren't for HIS grace and HIS hand pulling me up, I'd be absolutely and inconceivably hopeless and helpless.


All I know is that I know that because of the little and seemingly insignificant decisions of deliberate disobedience I made a few years ago, I have been through what can be described as hell (circumstantially). Not necessarily as punishment, but because of cause and effect, I think. Because I did something dumb then, I reap the repercussions of it now. Like if a teenager knows she shouldn't have sex, but she does, and ends up with an STD or pregnant, an STD isn't punishment, and God knows a child isn't punishment.. it's just what happens.
Anyways, but I said all that to say this: All of the awful "effect" things that I've gone through in the past few years have led to so many greater things than I thought could have ever happened... Things that God has orchestrated the whole time.

Now, I'm not saying that it's "okay" for anyone (including myself) to go out and do whatever the heck I want to do at any given point, just because God's grace is so abundant and so... perfect....
But what I am saying, is to be deliberate about your decisions, words, actions.. Be prayerful. Don't be RELIGIOUS, but be in conversation with the one who already knows what's gonna happen. It's simple, really. All He wants is to hear your voice call His name. All you want is to have a good life, right?

Well once you realize that God's grace - His PERFECT will - is so amazing, so sweet, so loving... You can't help but to fall in love - not with the grace, but with the giver of the grace,and then you can't help but to converse with Him, and then you hear what He actually wants you to do in every situation, and you make the obedient decisions, thus effecting not only your life (making it a good one) but also effecting everyone's lives around you, which is the ACTUAL definition of all life: To know God and make Him known.

Hmm.. I think I just gave myself a revelation. Hah. Funny how just talking things out works out great sometimes.



What can I say... I've learned alot lately. Been through alot lately. Oh, and gained so much alot lately. (in terms of fulfillment and love in alot of aspects of my life.)


This is something that I know I need to remind myself of repeatedly, but its something that you may have never heard, or actually realized.


I hope God showed something to you through my blabbering... If not, I hope He will through something else, someone else, or Himself.


The way things work out... the way God's already worked everything out...

Seriously... it's mysterious. And wonderful.




Go make a difference.

Love someone. Love yourself.

:) <3